I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
