How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
