I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
