i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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