what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
