That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
