i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
