i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
