her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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