Already got asked if we're dating
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
