HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
