We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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