dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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