So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
