Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
