did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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