I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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