I cockslap morals
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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