hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
