yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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