it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize