I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
