you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
