I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
