True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
