Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
