My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just high enough for therapy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
