she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
