maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
