Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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