I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
