If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
