how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
