U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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