her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
