Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
