Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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