i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
