I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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