I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize