He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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