my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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