How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
