Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
