I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize