I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
