Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
