Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
