i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
