I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
