did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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