Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
