I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
