i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
