We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
