Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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