dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
two words: eviction party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
