Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
