Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
