So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
