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I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
