bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
