After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
