Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
