I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
