First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
