I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
