I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
