it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
