It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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