It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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