Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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