I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
