I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
