Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
