I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
