And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
