Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize